When Stef asked me to write a review for I Am Bread for the PS4 I said two things to him. Firstly I asked “Stef have you been sniffing glue again? What kinda game has the sole purpose of navigating a slice of bread around a kitchen. No one wants to play that game!” and secondly “Stef this is the last time I do you a solid. Don’t you remember what happened when you last started drinking it took me ages to cover that up and that’s a dark road I don’t want you going down again.” The second part isn’t relevant as Stef doesn’t have a drinking problem – *editors note* but the first part is so totally super relevant. I’m debating playing it from a tower of speakers aimed at North Korea. I hope they don’t take it too seriously and appreciate my joke.
What makes a man create a game where you have to navigate a slice of bread to a toaster? Some men just want to watch the world burn. We’ve had Goat Simulator, Surgeon Simulator, Farming Simulator as well as many others so there’s practically an audience for every possible type of game now. I’ve even got some suggestions for some. How about: Toe Nail Clipper Simulator: A tense simulation.Will you manage to get the nails to just the right length whilst managing not to overstretch or fall off the sofa?
Supermarket Worker Simulator: Learn to hate your boss as she comes and judges your isle and asks you to rotate all the labels so they are front facing, but don’t forget to rotate that stock! Points awarded for each time you direct a customer to the isle with milk in it, you know, the one with the massive sign above the isle saying ‘Milk’.
Sock Sorting Simulator: Where are the pair of the blue stripe socks? Are they in the washing machine or did I leave it in the sock draw? Quick, time is running out!
If anyone steals these ideas TechNuovo need to receive a share of the profit. Whoops, I’ve just remembered I’m supposed to be telling you what I think of I Am Bread. For starters, this game is hard. It took me over a hour to complete the first level, until I figured out my slice of wholemeal can control a skateboard and slide over the dirty floor. How could I have been so dense? It only gets harder from this point. The game has a unashamedly steep learning curve and it knows it. Don’t let the happy jazzy music playing in the background fool you, this is a hardcore skill based game which requires some extensive learning so you’re able to navigate your bread based products around the home.
The core controls consist of all 4 shoulder buttons being assigned to each corner of the bread. Pressing them enables you to attach each corner to a surface individually or together to move the bread. You can also grab and pull other objects to navigate around the map. There are six game modes available: story mode, bagel race, rampage, cheese hunt, zero G and free roam. Your basic starting piece of bread is a slice of wholemeal but there is also a cracker, baguette and bagel available, each harder to control than the previous. Each piece of bread has a different level of durability and there is a desirability meter which is a hilarious addition making sure to avoid getting your bread dirty.
Levels have a fun design and feel to them with a bright and crisp look. The added challenges add a brief level of replayabiltly to strive to get the best possible score.
This game exceed the expectations I had and I found the whole experience slightly fun but challenging and frustrating at the same time. The learning curve is insanely difficult but if you enjoy a challenge then this game may be for you, otherwise I wouldn’t pay to play this game. If it’s ever free on PlayStation Plus then give it a download. I’ve just got a message from North Korea, and it seems they didn’t appreciate my tower of speakers so I’ll hopefully see you soon unless Kim has sent his unicorns after me.
